Scriptural Spark

What is with our fascination with "the spark"? You hear it fairly often as people converse about relationships. To the new couple, "So... Do you feel the spark with each other?" Or maybe we use a different term, with the just couple trying to figure out if they should be more than just friends: "Well, do you feel chemistry with him/her?" I had friends ask it very bluntly: "Are you attracted to her?"

Here's what I have learned from watching a lot of couples, dating, married and otherwise.
There is no spark or chemistry. Let's think about that imagery for a second here. The spark sounds like a pilot light on your (water) heater. You know, the small flame that is (supposed to be) constantly lit so that when fuel flows by, it's ignited and burns brightly.
You know, that's not a bad analogy. That core thing that two people have between them that can be counted on to ignite the power flowing from each other. So what is that core thing? Is that looks? Cause that's a pilot light that won't last long. How about money, power, or position? All temporary. Health, as long as you both have your health-... No wait, two mortal bodies, right? Car crashes happen daily?... So not the most reliable light. And of course, in the context it's usually used in this "spark" is meant to be similar interests, the adorable things he or she says to you, and general attraction.
You know what is a good and steady fuel source? One that's eternal? True Love!!!... Yeah, no. No Disney movie here. God. There's no steadier, brighter, stronger ignition to a relationship than God.

What about chemistry? That one sounds good in many ways. Baking soda plus vinegar equals a whole lot of reaction. Here you take out the need for a 3rd element (though it could be there). Do you say things that makes him get butterflies? Does he make that face that just melts your heart? What if he or she can finish your sentences? Or seem to always know what you're thinking??
What I know of chemistry, and it's not much... definitely not my best class in school, a lot of reactions have down sides. Ever seen how electric plating works? If not, go look it up. Suffice to say, there are two elements and one gets a lot of attention, and the other gets worn down. That's not two wholes joining together to make one whole (first thing close to a Biblical quote in this whole thing so far).
You want to make it scriptural? Two inert chemicals in a jar. No reaction between. Heat is supplied and suddenly they react and form something new and powerful together. God is the heat.

So then the thought going through my head is that you should date around and find the girl or guy that you do have chemistry with or experience the spark with. But God is the spark in every relationship. God is the chemistry that is binding you to your parents, your brother, your best friend, your least friend, the stranger, the girl next door, etc. You don't have to search for it, it's all around you. He's all around you. You do have to treat your brother or sister the way He commands you. You do have to be willing to take the covenant of marriage as seriously as He takes it. You do have to love and respect and care and provide. Regardless of any spark or chemical present. And in that? God will ignite your relationships beyond anything you could possibly dream of.

Stop looking for "the spark." Big Foot is reclining right next to his pal Mr. Abominable ("The One") having a snow cone. Ok, that's not true. You want to find "The One" and "the spark"? Say "I do," and then cling to God.

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Fear of Death

You've probably read this quote before:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Who here likes to be vulnerable?

I do. I like risk. I think I optimistically believe that when I take risks, the reward outweighs the cost. I made investments that came out badly. I have performed actions that caused me physical injury. I have loved and lost. Yet I still say, the reward is better than the risk.

I have many friends who laughingly refer to my accident proneness. It seems every few weeks I have some new hole, bruise, or cast on my body. One dear friend described my most recent injury with the specification that I did not inflict this one on myself, but was a victim. It seems what my friends are saying, though not directly, is that I am often placing myself in harms way. That maybe I would save myself some harm if I just protected myself better. This is what my head says to that:

“To live at all is to be vulnerable. Live doing anything and your life will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must do nothing. Wrap it carefully round with safe hobbies and riskless activities; avoid all adventures. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your comfort. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To live is to be vulnerable.”

Yep, just butchered a timeless quote. I feel a little bad.

Now, I'm not saying I shouldn't be smarter and stop jumping off ladders and tearing up my ligaments. But I am trying to make a point about what life is like in "safety." Our culture has taught us that our safety is paramount, that risks should be avoided, and life should be performed in caution.

I remember going into work almost 2 years ago. I was going to be on time, but there, on the side of the road, was a car with flashers and a woman on a cell phone. I slowed to a stop behind, and stepped out asking if I could help. She informed me that a tow truck was on it's way, and I asked if I could look at her car while she waited. Before the tow truck had arrived, I was able to get her car back up and running, and inform her of how to repair the issue permanently for much less than a garage would charge her. Yet another adventure down. The interesting thing, though, was my boss's reaction.
"Why would you take the risk to help out a stranger? She could have had a gun, she could have been setting you up to rob you, steal your car, kidnap you, or worse. What were you thinking??"

See, in his eyes, the risk was much greater than the reward. The reward, as he perceived it, was feeling good about helping a stranger. The risk was my life.

But I see the economy a bit differently. I saw a person in need, in ways that I had the ability and skill to help. The risk? A few minutes late arriving to work.

My boss was insistent on the value of my life. He considered me a skillful employee with knowledge and character that was of great worth. I know if I was taken from this earth people would miss me.
But I would not miss this world.

I know people who openly admit they don't want to die. There's still parts of life they'd like to experience before they pass on. We hear news stories of young people dying and think, "What a shame, they only experienced a short piece of life." Totally, absolutely true. I love life. I love the crazy, amazing things God has created. I want to explore the world. I want to meet more people and exchange stories of adventure. I want to see the rest of my siblings get married. I want to see more nieces and nephews show up to fly them around the room as I did my first nephew last night. I want to get married myself, to know what it is to have a wife. I want to be successful at work and take companies farther than they knew they could go. But, if while in the midst of those pursuits, I'm taken home? Then I am at peace.

Because I know where I'm going. I know for who I am living. I know for who I am dying. Without a solid understanding of those truths, my life would be very timid.

And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? - Luke 9:23-25 (ESV)

What will it do me if I should live to be 90, yet have gotten there wrapped in careful protection? What in life should I give up to gain more of that careful life? Sustained mediocrity is just a lot of mediocrity.

Do you know where you're going? What is the purpose of your life? If you died today, what would you regret not doing or not achieving?

---

This life has shown me how we're mended
And how we're torn
How it's okay to be lonely as long as you're free
Sometimes my ground was stoney
And sometimes covered up with thorns
And only You could make it what it had to be
And now that it's done
Well, if they dressed me like a pauper
Or if they dined me like a prince
If they lay me with my fathers
Or if my ashes scatter on the wind
I don't care

But when I leave I want to go out like Elijah
With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire
And when I look back on the stars
Well, It'll be like a candlelight in Central Park
And it won't break my heart to say goodbye

Elijah - Rich Mullins 

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When You're A Christian, Everything Looks Like A Cross

You know the saying, "If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail"? Something in that saying popped out at me while I was listening to a sermon that referenced Matthew 16:24:

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." - Matthew 16:24 (ESV)

I come from a background that was steeped in legalism. Even though my family tried to address it well, my surroundings were more often than not about legalism. One area of that mindset that I've seen very destructive is martyring. We wouldn't call it that, though. We would call it trying to serve Him. Trying to bring Him glory. Think about this, how many sermons or discussions can you think of around Jesus and the Young Ruler? Many, for me. And the purpose? To explain that if there is anything you prize, God wants you to give it up and away. After all, it's easier for a camel to walk through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven, right?

Now, I could speak to the fact that God does not want you to give everything up, sell everything off, fly to Africa, and be a missionary. Many pastors have done better in sharing that than I could. Suffice to say, God could want you to live here, give you riches, and charge you with leading and caring for people right around you. He's written what He wants you to do, given you the gifts and abilities to carry it out, so go do it.

But this martyr thing is dangerous. It counters what God says. It's dying for the sake of death, not for the sake of the cross. Let me give you an example: I had a friend who would face hard decisions in their life and make the choice for the painful one. Why? Because we have to sacrifice our wants for God's will. They would rather avoid conflict, work for a terrible boss without standing up for themselves and other employees, and many other things. The craziest I've seen is people ending relationships because it's "hard," and God's "asking them to give it up." Martyrdom at its finest. Here's what I'll agree with in that: if there is something in your life that is a higher priority than God, you need to address it and fix it. That does not mean giving it up. Using the relationship example, follow this logic:
"I find myself wanting to be around you more than I want to be in God's word." "You keep coming to mind while I'm at work and I can't get work done."
"So I'm stepping back from this relationship. I need to give it up and get right with God. He wants me to give this up."
Have you heard people talk like that? If not, just think what that sounds like to you.
Now, what would your reaction be if I were to say, "and that's a married man's comments." By setting it up as a couple in relationship, you likely made the assumption that I meant dating/courting. But once the view shifts to marriage, the impression changes. "No, that's not right," we think. "They need to get their priorities right, but God says that you should not leave a marriage." The action causes you to cross God's design for marriage. It sounds right and good to acknowledge and address the sin, but this is not a repentance, it's an avoidance. Can you imagine the Well Married Young Ruler walking up to Jesus and Jesus saying, "divorce your wife and follow Me?" I can't.
I know that there's some magical switch that flips between dating/courting and when you're married. That is not an excuse to cross God's intentions, though.

Let me give two Biblical examples that come to mind of people promising things that cross God and then coming through because that's what they promised.

29 Then the Spirit of the Lord was upon Jephthah, and he passed through Gilead and Manasseh and passed on to Mizpah of Gilead, and from Mizpah of Gilead he passed on to the Ammonites. 30 And Jephthah made a vow to the Lord and said, “If you will give the Ammonites into my hand, 31 then whatever[a] comes out from the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the Ammonites shall be the Lord's, and I will offer it[b] up for a burnt offering.” - Judges 11:29-31 (ESV)

This sounds good, right? I think he and his daughter, who becomes the victim of this, do an admirable job holding to the vow he makes to God. I do not think his vow is in line with what God expects of him. Before we glorify this guy for having the Spirit of God with him (therefore, he must be a great, God honoring guy, right?), look at the passage setup:

1 Now Jephthah the Gileadite was a mighty warrior, but he was the son of a prostitute. Gilead was the father of Jephthah. 2 And Gilead's wife also bore him sons. And when his wife's sons grew up, they drove Jephthah out and said to him, “You shall not have an inheritance in our father's house, for you are the son of another woman.” 3 Then Jephthah fled from his brothers and lived in the land of Tob, and worthless fellows collected around Jephthah and went out with him. - Judges 11:1-3 (ESV)

As my pastor so oftenly comments, God can use the most whacked out families to do amazing things. Fully agree with that, but just read Judges 11 in full. You'll find verses like "21 And the Lord, the God of Israel, gave Sihon and all his people into the hand of Israel, and they defeated them. So Israel took possession of all the land of the Amorites, who inhabited that country." This is not the work of Jephthah, this is the work of God. But Jephthah's vow speaks of earning God's favor. God was already giving these people into Jephthah's hands to defeat them. This vow, at the very least, was not needed. At worst, it goes counter to God's view of life. It does not say, like in Abraham's case, that God called him to sacrifice his offspring. No where in priestly and Levitical law will you find sacrificing children. In fact, God abhorred the people groups that Israel encountered that practiced such traditions (and often judged that people group for those evils). This was a vow done to "earn God's favor." I'll go so far as to say that this vow was sinful.

Now another example.

1 One day Jonathan the son of Saul said to the young man who carried his armor, “Come, let us go over to the Philistine garrison on the other side.” But he did not tell his father. 2 Saul was staying in the outskirts of Gibeah in the pomegranate cave[a] at Migron. The people who were with him were about six hundred men" - 1 Samuel 14:1-2 (ESV)

First thing I notice is that Saul has a small army. When you're leading a small army (especially in the Bible), you have a 50/50 chance of them doing something good (trusting God) or something bad (trying to make things happen without God, or worse, try to make God do what you want). Second, you have Jonathan doing things that his father didn't know about. Yet another broken family. Jonathan definitely had faith that God was with him,

8 Then Jonathan said, “Behold, we will cross over to the men, and we will show ourselves to them. 9 If they say to us, ‘Wait until we come to you,’ then we will stand still in our place, and we will not go up to them. 10 But if they say, ‘Come up to us,’ then we will go up, for the Lord has given them into our hand. And this shall be the sign to us.” - 1 Samuel 14:8-10 (ESV)

And Saul knew that following what God had told them was good,

18 So Saul said to Ahijah, “Bring the ark of God here.” For the ark of God went at that time with the people[f] of Israel. 19 Now while Saul was talking to the priest, the tumult in the camp of the Philistines increased more and more. So Saul said to the priest, “Withdraw your hand.” 20 Then Saul and all the people who were with him rallied and went into the battle. And behold, every Philistine's sword was against his fellow, and there was very great confusion. - 1 Samuel 14:18-20 (ESV)

The ark of God was a symbol of God's presence. I think this is Saul saying, "we're going into battle with God in our midst." This is not the first or last time a leader of Israel tries this, but God at least honors that Saul remembers Him in this way. But, then, Saul does something that once again, God does not ask for. God was already giving the Philistines into his hands, while Saul did what God had commanded of him. Yet Saul decides that's not good enough:

24 And the men of Israel had been hard pressed that day, so Saul had laid an oath on the people, saying, “Cursed be the man who eats food until it is evening and I am avenged on my enemies.” So none of the people had tasted food. - 1 Samuel 14:24 (ESV)

Ok, so your men are hard pressed, and now you're bringing a curse on them and yourself if anyone eats. I'm sure you can reason out why Saul thought this was a good idea. Maybe this was a form of fasting. God calls us to fast, right? But what is Saul's motivation? "Until it is evening and I am avenged on my enemies." And just a few verses above, note that he had counted his men and found that Jonathan and his armor bearer were not present. This is a man not thinking straight, not depending on God for victory. He's trying to make his will happen in his time in his way. It looks good, in a way, but the heart of it is evil.
And here's Jonathan's take on his father's decision,

27 But Jonathan had not heard his father charge the people with the oath, so he put out the tip of the staff that was in his hand and dipped it in the honeycomb and put his hand to his mouth, and his eyes became bright. 28 Then one of the people said, “Your father strictly charged the people with an oath, saying, ‘Cursed be the man who eats food this day.’” And the people were faint. 29 Then Jonathan said, “My father has troubled the land. See how my eyes have become bright because I tasted a little of this honey. 30 How much better if the people had eaten freely today of the spoil of their enemies that they found. For now the defeat among the Philistines has not been great.” - 1 Samuel 14:27-30 (ESV)

Really, read this whole chapter. See how closely it looks like Saul is doing what is right and good, yet how he does it out of the wrong heart. And the emphasis I want to apply here is that God did not tell Saul and his men to fast. That was Saul's idea.
As the story goes on Israel starts losing battles because the oath was not held to (God takes those seriously, even if they're badly made). Jonathan is found out, and Saul sets about putting him to death. The people stand up to this, though, saying this:

 45 Then the people said to Saul, “Shall Jonathan die, who has worked this great salvation in Israel? Far from it! As the Lord lives, there shall not one hair of his head fall to the ground, for he has worked with God this day.” So the people ransomed Jonathan, so that he did not die. 46 Then Saul went up from pursuing the Philistines, and the Philistines went to their own place. - 1 Samuel 14:45-46 (ESV)

Jonathan actually was working out of the trust in God. He knew God was delivering these people into their hands. His question was not if, but how. Was it to be just himself and his armor bearer? And God used him in that. Saul tried to buy God's favor by vowing a curse on anyone who ate. Who really walked in faith? Even the people saw this and spoke of it.

I like how the ESV labels these sections. "Saul's Foolish vow", or "Saul's Rash Vow", and "Jephthah's Tragic Vow." These are not good decisions these men made. "Foolish," sounds especially right, because God was already doing a work through them. These men determined that was not enough. God needed something more from them. It is an honor to make such a sacrifice for God, right? To take something that means a lot to us, or that we take for granted (food) and deny ourselves it to show that we rely on Him, right? Yes, too broad a brush stroke to say that in all cases that is wrong. But if it comes from a heart of trying to buy God, it is wrong.
So why the title? Is it wrong to sacrifice things? No. Jesus gave us a good list of things that will turn against us, mock us, persecute us, etc. when we follow Him. He said fathers will turn against sons and vice versa. It might be that you have to sacrifice that, but only in so much as it furthers His kingdom. If your father refutes and destroys your faith (C.S. Lewis speaks very well of this situation in his book, The Four Loves), you're going to have to sacrifice agreeing with your father to follow Jesus. But if your father agrees with your faith and you decide that God is asking you to break off all communication with him because you prioritize his opinion above God's, I think you step into error. Fix the priority issue, and then keep loving your father. And fathers? It works the exact same way in the opposite direction. Mothers and daughters, just the same.
Cane and Able gave similar gifts, but Able had God's favor (and all he did was do what God requested, giving his first fruits).
We don't have to find areas to sacrifice to God. He doesn't want our children, our relationships, our jobs, our money, etc. He wants to be Lord. He wants you to do what He said for you to do. He wants our obedience, not our abundance. We don't have to make up crosses, He's already told us what ours is. He wants us to follow after Him, not try to bridle or harness Him. It's impossible, and thereby difficult, to follow His commands alone. That's what He's called us to. I hope, I really hope, to see a generation that seeks after Him, and His word, and stops seeking extra-Biblical God encounters.

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