Weary Soldier

I don't think we respond to people well when it comes to how busy they are. I've heard the sermons about how we've made idols of work and friends and family. I get that we can easily misplace our priority. I'm guilty of it, that's how I know. But what has captured my attention is how people have come to respond to people who express weariness. Most responses I've heard to that float somewhere around, "well gee, no wonder! You're so busy! You should pull back, or take a break, etc."
I love these people. I believe they truly mean well with these words, but they rarely help me. I mean, granted, by the time that I'm ready to verbally express that I'm exhausted, I'm probably showing that my judgement is lapsing... But do you really think that I haven't thought about the idea to just slow down? I'm glad you're giving me your approval to do so, but was that really what I was asking for?
A friend mentioned something the other day, and it just confirmed my worry: we're under spiritual attack. I can give you many examples of times I've stepped up to do what I know is good and right and I come under heavy fire. I'm convinced that there's a force out there not happy with the idea of us doing good. Screwtape Letters, anyone? Let me try to illustrate my point.
We have a young soldier... He's deep in the trenches of the war. He's taken the brave risk upon him of pushing the front line forward, hoping this surge will allow other allies to push forward and advance the line. The enemy is all around, firing everything they have at this young man. One dark hour passes. Another one. Round after round of piercing explosions around him. Shot after shot, he pops up from his fortification and fires to keep the enemy at bay. Finally an ally, a friendly face dives into the trench next to him. "I'm glad you're here!" he yells, "I'm exhausted. They just won't stop firing!"
Ok, so how should the ally respond? How does "Hey, I'm glad you've been fighting so strongly! You've really advanced our line! Now how about you sit back and take it easy for a bit," sound? Especially if this is a hit and run, and the ally jumps out of the trenches and moves on? Do you think the enemy is going to hold up and let this man take a respite? Is that their goal? What was the purpose of the communication from the young man anyway?
If you don't like the war analogy, feel free to swap in a firefighter, police officer, and just about any other first responder. Occupations that all have an inherent pressure to them.
How about another scenario and profession? This time we have a young mother. Several years into a happy marriage, with two little kiddos. Toddlers are hard work. One needs changed and the other is trying to see how many crayons they can fit in the DVD player. Oops, was that the juice bottle that he just tipped over the laptop? And here comes her husband...
"Hey Honey, how was your day?"
"Exhausting! I feel like my day was spent running around ALL DAY!"
Queue critical question again: what is the proper response?
"Well dear, I really appreciate the work you've been doing. Mothering is hard! Why don't you just slow down? Take a rest?"
Just a clue... If you want to stay married, don't say this. At least, not this alone. I'll get back to that, first the questions. Why do you think she is expressing like she is? Did she need his permission? Does the enemy (which is not the kids, just FYI) want to allow this young mother who is influencing the next generation so strongly a chance to rest?
Can you see in these two examples how hollow this canned response is? And here's what I noticed about this trait: it's the same thing we do with people who are grieving. You just lost a loved one? It's ok, they're in a better place now. Broke up? It's ok, there's more fish in the sea. Instead of acknowledging where these people are, it's brushing them off and letting yourself feel like you've done your deed of interaction. I'm not sure it can be boiled down to this, but it seems like the root is laziness. Or avoidance of awkwardness. To sit and listen about someone's situation takes work. And there's also a possibility of being asked to step in.
And we all hate that, don't we? If I stop and listen, there's a good chance you're going to ask me to do something for you. "I appreciate the hard work you've been doing all day taking care of the kids! Let me watch over them for a bit while you clean yourself up and take a breather." "This barrage is intense. Here's some extra ammo. You stay down while I engage the enemy for a bit." (Those are responses to the two different scenarios in reverse order, just for clarification, not both in response to the mother...)
The other night I was working with one of my favorite ministries, and as usual, I'm watching to see how we can serve those who come through our doors best... Noticing that we're low on chairs and we have more people coming in, I leave my position, knowing that it's stable enough for me to set up a few extra chairs. Well, that was my plan, at least. A good friend saw me start toward this, saw what I had seen, and stopped me. She motioned that she saw what I had seen, and that she would take care of setting up the chairs. She didn't wave me off. She didn't say, "Get back to your position, everything is fine." She acknowledged the same problem I saw and undertook it herself, allowing me to stay at my assigned position, and everyone served extremely well. I still smile at this example. That's the heart of service, the synergy of teamwork, fighting along the front lines together.
I don't think people are expressing their exhaustion just looking for approval of slowing down. If they're smart enough to be doing the job in the first place, they're probably smart enough to know when to rest if they need to. But in a war, teamwork is needed, and sometimes that means stepping up and standing alongside a weary soldier.

Categories: Weary