On that note, let me address a song that's gone viral and a song on the Top 40 list.
First is the original song, "Rude" by Magic! It's a catchy song, and I'll admit it got caught in my head more than once. Who can't like the reggae beat? Short summary of the song: Young man wants to marry girl, puts on his best and goes to ask her father for his permission to marry her. The father says no, not 'til the day the suitor dies, to which the suitor asks why he has to be so rude, admits he's human too, and then declares he'll marry the father's daughter anyway, no matter what the father says.
Ok, the good:
I can't believe I'm going to pick apart a Top 40 song, but here goes. The guy starts off by putting on his best suit. This is an act of honor toward the father. He doesn't tumble out of bed, run his hands through his hair and jump in his car to go talk to the girl's father. His intentions are good, it appears, and his actions back him up. The singer calls the father an "old-fashioned man," and yet this "new-fangled" young man is willing to respect him and ask for permission.
For the rest of my life. In a day and age when marriage is being pushed off until later and later, and one-night-stands and flings are the thing, this guy wants to marry the girl and knows that that means forever. More kudos to the suitor.
Further down, we find that the suitor at least claims that the father's daughter loves him in return. So much that she's willing to go anywhere with him. In other words, if he so choose (and he does later) he could run off with the daughter without asking for her father's blessing.
He's going to marry her. A lot like the "rest of my life" statement, at least he's honorable enough to marry her and not just run off.
The bad:
I'll just start off with him saying "I'm gonna marry her anyway." That just doesn't sound like a good move. I've been there. You're asking for a lot of pain and strife going that route.
Considering permission an "old-fashioned" thing. I could write a whole post on this topic alone. Suffice it to say, I don't think a father protecting his daughter is an old-fashioned thing.
Running away. Real men stand up. Real men face the challenge. Threatening to take the father's daughter to "another galaxy" is not exactly helpful to the situation.
The father wanting nothing of it. I mean, that's the point of the song, right? It's not, "Let's talk about it." It's not, "I'm concerned about your future with her." It's just no. I've been on the other side of this, and this is one of the most disheartening things you can do to an (honorable) young man: shut it down and deny him a chance. Pro tip: this just creates more resentment and encourages him to take drastic action.
Alright, so that's the current pop hit. Kudos to Magic! for putting out a song without profanity and showing some honor and respect and getting to the Top 40.
Now, here's the second song: RUDE Cover (The Dad's Side Of The Story)
Humorous, right?
But one, just one statement in there earns the author this blog post: "I may be a Christian but I'll go to prison [..]"
If the author had not mentioned that, I'd give him a pass on just parenting badly. But if you claim to be a Christian, you're asking fellow believers to hold you to the standard you profess. Humor or no.
I've read that the author got hung up on the suitor declaring that he'd marry the father's daughter anyway, and as I mentioned earlier, from a protection standpoint that makes sense. But he adds a lot to the story of "why", and I don't find any of those reasons in the Bible.
"Seeking permission to marry my princess", ok, back to not having experience as a father. But I would call my little sister a "princess", and that's who she is in my heart. But I've seen this attitude in Christian parents. Idolization of the children. Yes, she's your princess, but she's human too. Fallen and sinful just like him, and just like you.
"Son what’s wrong with your big head
It’s the first time I've met you
Why would I let you
Run off with my baby girl" - This doesn't jibe with the original song. That speaks of the father's daughter being in love with the suitor and the suitor knowing that the father was an "old-fashioned" kinda guy. Guys should be pursuing a relationship with the parents of the girl he loves. He needs to know what the father thinks, how she was raised, and to show them honor and respect. It's a stretch either way, but the author made the assumption one way, I'll make a case for the opposite.
"You say you want my daughter for the rest of your life
Well you gotta make more than burgers and fries"
And this is where I started to not like this. Let me disclaim something before I address this. I'm single, I'm 27, I have a steady, well paying white-collar job, own a home of which I'm paying off a mortgage, I own my car in full, and overall I have been very responsible and fortunate in my situation.
And though I haven't found myself in such a economic position, even I take offense to this statement. What is wrong with making burgers and fries? Are those blue-collar workers not worthy of marrying your daughter? Are they to marry at all?
"Get out your momma’s basement, go and get you a life.
Son, you’re 28, don’t you think it’s time?"
This really depends. I've met guys who just won't grow up and spend their adult years in their parents house playing video games and wasting their time away. I also have an older brother and several friends who stayed with my parents for years after college, benefitting from the economical situation (let alone the global economic situation overall). They were mature and ready to marry their wives when they did. In fact, I believe they were able to better care for their wives due to the benefits of having saved more money while living with their family. Once again, the author assumes that the guy is a bum, and I argue that that is not always the case.
"Why you gotta call me rude?
I’m doin’ what a dad should do
Keep her from a fool like you"
There is point and purpose to parents protecting their children. I come from circles where parents don't let their children make choices, they make the choices for their children. Even after they're grown adults. God called parents to raise up a child in the way they should go, so that when they are old, they will not depart from it. Some versions use "train up" in place of "raise up". Teach. Train. Give your daughter the wisdom to make that choice on her own. That's wise parenting. Telling them what to do all the time is lazy parenting. Not that it's not intensive, but that when it comes to what your responsibility actually is, you're failing. If she grows up and you die, will she be able to take care of herself? If she marries, you die, and her husband dies, can she take care of herself? It’s important for daughters to know that they have the tools necessary to survive out in the world on their own, and for parents in turn to realize that they have to let their grown adult children go at some point to discover that world and keep growing in maturity and responsibility.
"And if you marry her anyway
you marry that girl
I'm gonna punch your face
You marry that girl,
I’ll make you go away.
You marry that girl,
you're in the bottom of a lake."
Ok, so as Christians, we believe that marriage is forever. As in ever. I hate to tell you this, fathers everywhere, but if your daughter enters into a covenant with someone, your responsibility is not to "punch the husband in the face," "make him go away," or have him end up "in the bottom of a lake" No, now your job is to make sure that they hold to that Biblical covenant and treat each other as a husband and wife should treat each other, and to cover them in prayer. Were they foolish to go around you? Yes. Does that mean that they'll likely be foolish in other aspects of their lives? Maybe. So how about covering them in prayer and being involved in their lives to encourage and direct them toward a life pursuing the image of Christ?
"You may not get this, so let me explain it
Cause you need to understand
This is forever, she deserves better
She really needs a grown man"
In the original song, the suitor understands that this is forever. Really what you're doing here is threatening him that if he does this, they'll be married forever and you'll hold it against them forever. Him marrying your daughter may not be a "grown man" move, but neither is your attitude.
"I know what you're thinkin’
You think you’ll still take her
Well give it your best shot
I may be a Christian but I’ll go to prison
I’m not scared of doing hard time"
I know what you're thinkin', you think you're laying your life on the line for your daughter. We've all heard the jokes of the dad polishing up the 22 gauge when the young man comes calling. The fear of God does need to be instilled in the young love birds, but you're conveying a message to your daughter and this young man that is the least helpful for anyone.
The parody is built up in judgement against the suitor. Mostly for status, situation, and position. No wonder people outside our faith call us judgemental and hypocritical. None of those are what the Bible takes into consideration when it comes to selecting a spouse. If the lyrics had mentioned something about not being a Christian, about not pursuing a life in the image of Christ, which 1 Timothy 3 might work well for comparison, I wouldn't have so much to write on. Yes, this post is written out of hurt from being on the other side of a father much like what this song shows, but it's from that hurt that I've pursued this subject in study, and find this viral video in error. Raise your daughters well. Teach them to know what a good man is (by Biblical standards, not your own). Realize that suitors coming calling for your daughter are human too. And maybe, just maybe, be a little less rude.
1 comments:
This is a good post. Thumbs up.
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